Talk:A Silver Flame/@comment-26030957-20171031190359
WEREWOLF CONTEST RESULTS: A very atmospheric and detailed story hinting at hypnosis and possession that ends with madness. Great work. NARRATIVE HOOK/INCITING INCIDENT: A man is awoken in the middle of the night by strange sounds. Pretty creepy and well stated right in the first sentence. 9 ORIGINALITY: I can’t recall hearing of werewolves with the power to hypnotize before, that’s usually the vampire’s territory. Also, a toothless werewolf who uses his long, snake-like tongue to enter his victim was very interesting and incredibly original. Overall this was just a very original and didn’t have any clichés. 10. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: This is not explored at all, for either David or the werewolf. We don’t know anything at all about them. 3. DIALOGUE: None here. It would have been interesting to hear David talk to the werewolf, question it, ask it why it was there. Or even have David talk to the 911 operator for a moment, say something weird. I suppose a story doesn’t have to have dialogue, but it was stated that this would be a factor in the judging. 1. EXECUTION: The descriptions of the scenery were excellent. Great writing. Incredibly atmospheric. But it was also very slow with nothing really happening for the first couple of pages, which also made it pretty boring and even a little tedious. I felt this story should have gotten to the point more quickly and was kind of just meandering around for a while. Beautifully written prose about a guy wondering the edge of a spooky forest doesn’t really cut it in terms of narrative action and pacing. I understand that David was put into a spell by the lycanthrope, but a horror story should never really say, “He just felt so safe,” or “He didn’t feel as in danger.” It ruins all the tension. If the protagonist doesn’t feel danger the reader won’t either. If he had questioned himself, felt trepidation and fear, but still was compelled to unlock the door, against his better judgment, it would have been much more powerful. There were a few minor typos in there. “Possessed” was misspelled as “possesed”, “window ceil” should be “window sill” (ceil is an archaic form of the verb seal). Two compound adjectives should have had hyphens: “inky dark blackness” and “long lost friend.” There needs to be an apostrophe in “monsters leg.” Wolf was capitalized at one point but not again. This sentence needs an “and” in it: “It approached David's mouth attempted to enter.” Humboldt was also misspelled as Humboltd in the author’s note. Going to have to give it a 7. ENDING/DENOUMENT: I didn’t get the ending at all. Did he imagine it and he’s just crazy? Then what was the black substance? And if the wolf “resumed his attack” why wasn’t he scratched and torn up at all? Am I too stupid to get what’s going on here? It’s a possibility, but if that’s true, other readers are going to be the same way. That being said, I did enjoy the image of the man lying there mumbling, “Lycanthrope.” 8 OVERALL CREEPINESS: This is where this story really excels. While I did find the opening a little boring, there’s no denying it was very atmospheric and creepy as hell. The old man across the street and then suddenly at the window: scary and creepy. The long black tongue slipping down David’s throat: disturbing, weird, and unexpected. This one gets a solid 10 on the creepy scale. FINAL SCORE: 48 out of 70